The post party… The colonoscopy is done!

It’s a new day!

The procedure was done in less than a half hour. I was glad that the sedative and pain killers didn’t knock me out. I watched the entire butt spelunking event on the video monitor.  I love how curious I am about stuff that grosses most other people out. I admired the pinkish white walls of the colon wall, capillaries zig-zagging their way around the membrane. It was interesting to see the folds and curves as the endoscope continued its journey looking for abnormalities. Although one polyp was found I am glad I saw it, and watched the doctor nip it off for biopsy. To my unprofessional eyes the small white blip looked just like a normal part of the colon wall. I will know the results of the biopsy in two weeks.
Now I have peace of mind and a clean colon… for now…

 

Are you $hi##ing me… the preparation continues

Mexican bathroom
Mexican bathroom at ecoresort in Tulum.

Three hours of pure hell. I arrived home from work, just in time to begin ingesting 2 liters, one liter at a time, of a prescription laxative. The flavor and texture was a cross between a rancid lemon and frog slime fresh from a bog.

For two hours I had to endure drinking this stuff, eight ounces at a time, every fifteen minutes, with a pint of water in between each liter. Some jokester of a pharmacist named the product MoviPrep, and no this isn’t a prep for a stint as a Hollywood actor. The last three glasses, the last liter for that matter was a force to be reckoned with. I figured that I was done when I almost hurled the MoviPrep out my nose, gagging at the rancid lemon/lime slime.

the solution
Polyethylene glycol solution plus some other chemicals AKA MoviPrep AKA rancid lemon/lime slime.

After an hour of shivering and feeling like my gut was about to explode the movement was finally going to happen. I sat on the toilet for a few minutes, feeling my intestines gurgle with the 2 liters of MoviPrep. I passed the time reading a magazine, Cooks Illustrated. Why? Because it was what I grabbed as I crossed the kitchen towards the bathroom. It was a great distraction from my reality, learning a few cooking techniques I could try once this hell was over.

As I experienced the movement, I was reminded of a trip to Mexico or was it Peru. It was one or both of those places where I got diarrhea so bad I pooped liquid. EEEWWWW! Yeah, I know. Well that is what I was experiencing now, self prescribed diarrhea minus the cramping. Yup, you read right, self-prescribed… Well a real MD had to prescribe MoviPrep and he will conduct the procedure too, but all of this, was my idea.

You see I’m only 41, about 10 years away from when I’m supposed to have a colonoscopy. But my aunt died of colon cancer and a good friend just died of colon cancer a month ago and she was only 45. I called my insurance and they assured me that they will cover all preventative screenings after age 22. I had to have a consultation with my physician prior to this adventure, but that was the only thing different than if I was 51 and doing this for the first time.

I’ve gotta go to bed, I’m as exhausted as one feels after defecating their entire gut contents. I’m not sure what’s left, but the instructions say to ingest a lovely 10 ounce jar of Magnesium Citrate, lemon flavored nonetheless, at 10:30 am tomorrow morning. I have a feeling going to work tomorrow morning is going to be an interesting part of this adventure. Here’s to the next movement.

Day 1 – lunch – preparations for a colonoscopy continue…

Low fiber lunch.
Last meal until tomorrow night.

 

I slurp the cooling soup as I try to take my time eating my last meal of solid food until tomorrow night. The soup, a mix of the grits from this morning, which are now a solid polenta, some boxed organic chicken broth, bay shrimp from Oregon and a bit of spices, doesn’t taste so bad.

Low fiber doesn’t have to be bland – hospitals listen up! I added some flair to my soup with some dehydrated onions and ground garlic, which I hope isn’t against the rules of “no fresh fruit or vegetables.”

I’m a bit worried though, this slow eating has put me past the 12:30pm point where I’m only supposed to consume liquids until 10:30 am tomorrow.

Ok, last bite of soup, time check 12:50 pm. I roll the savory soup around my mouth, my teeth bite down on the crunchy texture of the shrimp, the soft consistency of the pita bread and my tongue plays with the sticky, clumpy-ness of the polenta. I will remember this moment as I journey through a liquid fast. I will remember this moment while sitting on the toilet later today after I start the next phase of this preparation.

Day 1 – morning – The preparations begin

Breakfast
Low fiber breakfast cereal – grits.

 

“I’ll make grits this morning.” I thought to myself before getting out of bed. The directions said to have a “low fiber breakfast” and under cereal it said “rice or corn.” I knew I had a bag of coarsely ground corn meal that I bought to make polenta about a year ago, so why not take this opportunity to use up some of that stuff that gets forgotten in the cupboard.

Protein drink
Protein drink…

 

There were other “low fiber options” on one of the instruction sheets I was given for the preparation; eggs, tofu, milk products, protein drinks, and soup. “Meat and fish are ok to have” the instructions included. I decided to have a protein drink as well. Pumpkin protein and orange juice, even though orange juice wasn’t specifically mentioned. Or does it go under the “No seeds, nuts, bran, oats, wheat, fresh vegetables, fruit or salad?” Oops, I think I should not have had my type of protein drink. Perhaps they were thinking of that stuff called Ensure or something like that.

Low fiber breakfast

My version of a low fiber breakfast.

 

 

Well, breakfast wasn’t so bad. I was able to have coffee, so I’m happy. Lunch will look similar to breakfast. I have some leftover grits that I will eat with some chicken stock and perhaps I’ll throw in some small shrimp for the “meat.” I’ll have to eat this before 12:30 pm, since after this time I’m told to only have clear liquids.

I’m afraid of what is to come later today. Luckily, I had my morning constitutional despite the low fiber breakfast. I hope that will make tonight a little easier.