Are you $hi##ing me… the preparation continues

Mexican bathroom
Mexican bathroom at ecoresort in Tulum.

Three hours of pure hell. I arrived home from work, just in time to begin ingesting 2 liters, one liter at a time, of a prescription laxative. The flavor and texture was a cross between a rancid lemon and frog slime fresh from a bog.

For two hours I had to endure drinking this stuff, eight ounces at a time, every fifteen minutes, with a pint of water in between each liter. Some jokester of a pharmacist named the product MoviPrep, and no this isn’t a prep for a stint as a Hollywood actor. The last three glasses, the last liter for that matter was a force to be reckoned with. I figured that I was done when I almost hurled the MoviPrep out my nose, gagging at the rancid lemon/lime slime.

the solution
Polyethylene glycol solution plus some other chemicals AKA MoviPrep AKA rancid lemon/lime slime.

After an hour of shivering and feeling like my gut was about to explode the movement was finally going to happen. I sat on the toilet for a few minutes, feeling my intestines gurgle with the 2 liters of MoviPrep. I passed the time reading a magazine, Cooks Illustrated. Why? Because it was what I grabbed as I crossed the kitchen towards the bathroom. It was a great distraction from my reality, learning a few cooking techniques I could try once this hell was over.

As I experienced the movement, I was reminded of a trip to Mexico or was it Peru. It was one or both of those places where I got diarrhea so bad I pooped liquid. EEEWWWW! Yeah, I know. Well that is what I was experiencing now, self prescribed diarrhea minus the cramping. Yup, you read right, self-prescribed… Well a real MD had to prescribe MoviPrep and he will conduct the procedure too, but all of this, was my idea.

You see I’m only 41, about 10 years away from when I’m supposed to have a colonoscopy. But my aunt died of colon cancer and a good friend just died of colon cancer a month ago and she was only 45. I called my insurance and they assured me that they will cover all preventative screenings after age 22. I had to have a consultation with my physician prior to this adventure, but that was the only thing different than if I was 51 and doing this for the first time.

I’ve gotta go to bed, I’m as exhausted as one feels after defecating their entire gut contents. I’m not sure what’s left, but the instructions say to ingest a lovely 10 ounce jar of Magnesium Citrate, lemon flavored nonetheless, at 10:30 am tomorrow morning. I have a feeling going to work tomorrow morning is going to be an interesting part of this adventure. Here’s to the next movement.

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